


Love Potion No. 9

by BadWolfRose (BadWolf1988)



Category: Christina Aguilera (Musician), Dog The Bounty Hunter
Genre: F/M, Halloween, Oneshot, Romance, Songfic, no way in hell this could ever happen, time machine needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 16:22:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12585880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolf1988/pseuds/BadWolfRose
Summary: Christina had just gotten off tour when she received a phone call from her best friend. Britney's in-laws are getting married and she and her new husband, Dakota, want to surprise them with a celebrity wedding singer. Christina agrees thinking a trip to Hawaii would be nice after a year-long tour. She never expected to fall in love with Dakota's uncle.





	Love Potion No. 9

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not friends with a madman in a box. Why did I feel the need to share this with you? Well, for this story to be plausible I would really need to be a blonde named Rose and I would have to be friends with an eccentric Doctor with no first name and a penchant for time traveling. To the non-Doctor Who fans... I don't know Duane Lee Chapman, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, or anyone with the last name Chapman. This story never happened. There is no way that this story would ever be possible... in this dimension at least. For information on parallel dimensions, I'll refer you to Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
> 
> Disclaimer II: The song ‘Genie in a Bottle’ is copyright © Christina Aguilera.
> 
> Disclaimer III: The characters of Vanessa and Bo Woods were created by Ashley for my story, Ride Again. She has been nice enough to let me keep playing with her characters. Ashley, I promise I'll return them in like-new condition.
> 
> Author's Note: This story was written based on my own desire to write it and Hannah and Ashley's encouragement. We are counting it as Ashley's entry into my website's 2017 Halloween Song-Fic Request Challenge.
> 
> Halloween Challenge Song: ‘Love Potion No. 9’ by and copyright © The Clovers.
> 
> Thank you as always to Meghan (Christlove88) for beta reading this story.

**Los Angeles, California**

**October 1 st**

Her cell phone ringing is what roused Christina from her slumber... and she was not a happy camper about it. She grabbed the annoying device and answered it without looking at her caller ID. “What?” she snapped.

“Well, hello to you too, Chrissy,” drawled the voice of her childhood best friend, Britney.

“I was sleeping you airhead,” Christina sat up a little in bed.

“It's only ten.”

Christina rolled her eyes, “In Hawaii where you live, maybe. In LA, where I live, it is one in the freakin' morning!” She loved Britney, she really did, but her best friend and professional rival was a real airhead when she wanted to be. “What could be so important?”

“Shoot! I'm sorry, I'm still getting used to the time difference here.” The woman had been living in Hawaii for over a year. If she hadn't gotten used to the time difference by now, she never would. This was the fourth time Britney had woken her up that month.

“What do you need, Brit?” Since she was up anyway, she grabbed the remote off her nightstand on turned on the TV. She signed into Netflix and turned on ‘Supernatural’, keeping the volume low.

“Dakota's parents are getting married on Halloween and we wanted to surprise them with a special wedding singer... we are kinda hoping that would be you.” The newly married nineteen-year-old (yep, the Princess of Pop had gone and fallen in love... with a Hawaiian bounty hunter of all people) was using that little girl voice that she liked to use when she wanted to get her way.

“When and where's this wedding going to be?” she asked.

“Here in Hawaii on Halloween... Dakota's parents are odd,” Britney explained.

Christina kind of wanted to ask why Dakota's parents were getting married after their son but she kept that question to herself, not wanting to be rude. “I'll do it.” A little vacation in Hawaii after such a long tour actually sounded pretty nice. “What am I singing?”

“’I Turn to You’ for the first dance followed by ‘Love for All Seasons’,” Britney had obviously already put a lot of thought into this. “We've hired a DJ for the rest of the reception.”

“I guess I'll see you in a few weeks.”

  
  


**Jacksonville, Florida**

**Duane Lee Chapman II Bail Bonds**

**October 2 nd**

“Dad,” Duane Lee's twenty-three-year-old son, Dylan, handed him the phone. “Uncle Leland wants to talk to you.”

Duane Lee was surprised. The last time he had spoken to his little brother was at his nephew Dakota's wedding the previous December. He took the phone. “Hey, little brother, what's up?”

“How do you feel about attending a Halloween wedding?”

“Are you fucking stupid?!” Duane Lee couldn't help himself. “You just got rid of Kat Von Crazy and you want to get married again?!”

Dylan, hearing his father's side of the conversation piped in, “we need to get Uncle Leland tested. There is really something wrong with him.”

Leland Chapman did not have good luck with women. His last wife had been a fame-hungry golddigger that had tricked him into marrying her by pretending to be pregnant. He had gotten the marriage annulled when he found out she lied... and then had to take out a restraining order because his lunatic ex had started cyberstalking him.

“Brah, chill... I'm marrying Vanessa... you really need to start checking your Facebook... or calling and checking in with the family. You have a new niece too, you dick.”

Okay, Duane Lee was now willing to concede that he was out of the loop when it came to his family and a lot of it was his fault. He tried so hard to avoid his dad and stepmother that he avoided the family members he did like in the process.

“You're back with Vanessa? And the two of you had a baby together?” Duane Lee parroted back to his brother.

“Way to go, Uncle Leland!” Dylan clapped.

Vanessa Woods was the only decent (and the longest) girlfriend that Leland had ever had. She had raised his kids as her own and was good for his brother. Duane Lee was honestly thrilled by this development.

“Yeah, London Marie. She was born September 4th.” Duane Lee could hear the pride in his little brother's voice. “And Vanessa and I have been back together since about a week after that quickie wedding Dakota and Britney pulled on all of us,” he chuckled.

Duane Lee laughed with him. Dakota had married his (teenage) bride, Britney, awfully fast but he knew that Leland and Vanessa were thrilled about it. Britney was a sweet girl and Dakota was happy... that's all they cared about.

“Are Dad and Beth going to be there?” They hadn't attended Dakota's wedding but he just wanted to make sure. He didn't feel up to dealing with any Chapman family drama.

“You've met Vanessa, right?” Leland laughed. “She's banned them... and I didn't really put up a fight.”

  
  


**Kona, Hawaii**

**October 27 th**

Duane Lee looked around him. Dakota and Britney's living room looked like ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ had thrown up all over... well, everything really. There were strings of purple lights, way too realistic fake ravens, fake cobwebs and candelabras that looked like they had been stolen from the ‘Phantom of the Opera’ himself, scattered around everywhere. It got worse if you went out into their backyard. There were stacks upon stacks of pumpkins of every shape and size out there. Leland and Vanessa's wedding was going to be very... unique. Maybe Dylan was right and they did need to get Leland tested. Lord knew that Vanessa was crazy, the evidence of that being that she had not only gotten with Leland once but she had taken him back a second time and birthed his child.

“Why is all this stuff over here anyway?” Dylan voiced what Duane Lee was thinking as he picked up a gothic looking silver cross off the couch so he could take a seat.

“Because I planned most of the wedding while Vanessa was pregnant with London,” Britney replied from her spot on the floor. She was putting together what he thought were tabletop flower arrangements but they were kind of... macabre. She was putting black and red roses into mini metal cauldrons with dead baby's breath. “I'm also setting everything up because she really doesn't have the time between the new baby, Leiah and Cobie.”

Good to know. His new niece-by-marriage was just as crazy his brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law if she was the one who came up with this theme.

“Hey, I'm just the wedding planner.” His befuddlement at the decorations must have shown on his face. “Leland and Vanessa picked the theme. I'm just doing their bidding.”

“Hey, uncle Duane Lee.” Dakota said as he walked in the sliding glass door. He had been outside with his younger brother Cobie, spray painting a wedding arch a deep, dark purple. “Do you mind picking up Britney's friend, Christina, at the airport?” he requested. “I was going to but I still gotta string lights on the arch and get it over to the palace.” The wedding was taking place at Queen Emma's Summer Palace but the normally relaxing and tropical looking former royal residence/museum was going to look more like The Haunted Mansion if the decorations were anything to go by.

“Sure.” As long as it got him out of Tim Burton's worst nightmare for a little while. “Where am I taking her?”

“Back here,” Britney answered for her husband. “She's my best friend. She's gonna be staying in the guest room next to yours.”

Given Britney's level of fame and the little he knew about her, a sudden thought occurred to him, “When you say your best friend, Christina, are you talking about...?”

“Christina Aguilera, yeah,” Britney nodded.

He had accepted this errand way too soon. Christina Aguilera was the 21-year-old pop star he'd been fantasizing about whenever he jerked off in the shower ever since he had watched her 'Genie in a Bottle' music video. Sick, yeah, he was very well aware of that. She was younger than his damned son! And he had just volunteered to pick her up. KOA Airport was on the opposite side of the island, and he was going to be stuck in a car with her for almost an hour.

  
  


**KOA Airport**

**Christina's POV**

_***Sorry bestie, me & Dakota got tied up with wedding stuff. His uncle is picking u up.***_

That was the text message from Britney that Christina found waiting for her when she landed in Hawaii. Instead of her best friend, she was getting picked by Dakota's uncle, who was probably a million years old and completely boring. Perfect way to start a vacation.

“Christina?” A totally gorgeous middle-aged man approached her. He was built like a linebacker and had a goatee and crystal blue eyes.

“Yeah?” she smiled at him. If he had gotten into the airport's VIP lounge, he couldn't be a crazed fan or member of the press.

“My name's Duane Lee, boo,” he smiled warmly. “I'm Dakota's uncle.”

You had to be fucking kidding. This delicious looking man was Dakota's uncle? Perfect. That meant that he was considered off limits. You didn't date members of your friend's family... no matter how good looking they were. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

“It's nice to meet you,” she nodded politely. “I guess you're my ride?”

“Looks like it,” he said reaching out and taking her duffel bag from her. Just wonderful. Not only was he good looking but he was also a gentleman. Fuck her life.

  
  


**In the Car**

**Christina's POV**

The car ride was filled with nothing but awkward silence and she avoided looking at Duane Lee as much as possible. Unable to stand the deafening silence anymore, she leaned forward and switched on the radio.

_“I feel like I've been locked up tight_

_For a century of lonely nights_

_Waiting for someone to release me...”_

Damn it! Christina quickly turned the radio back off, blushing a deep red. She heard a chuckle coming from the driver's seat and turned to find Duane Lee laughing softly to himself.

“That must get weird for you,” he smirked at her. “Hearing your own voice when you turn on the radio.”

Well, that answered one question she had about him. He did know who she was but she guessed she shouldn't have been so surprised. If he hadn't known about her beforehand, Britney had probably clued him in. “It's not something you ever really get used to,” she admitted.

“Yeah, I was on a reality show with my old man and I'm pretty sure I avoided watching the A&E Network for the entire eight seasons it was on the air,” Duane Lee shared. “I hated watching myself on TV. I came off as such an immature ass most of the time.”

This was the first time 'Genie in a Bottle' had ever proved to be an icebreaker for her and for once, Christina was thankful for her cheesy debut single that wouldn't die. “Better to come off as an ass than a slut. We live in a world where if women show their belly buttons they're easy.”

Duane Lee laughed again. “If you're best friends with my sweetheart of a niece, I highly doubt you're easy, boo.”

Christina couldn't help but think how sweet it was that he claimed her best friend as his niece. She also couldn't help but be bummed out because his use of the title, niece, proved how much older and off limits he was.

  
  


**Britney and Dakota's House**

**Duane Lee's POV**

When we arrived back at the house it was to find it completely empty. A note on the coffee table informed u that everyone had gone to Queen Emma's Summer Palace to drop off the arch and to get some decorating done.

“Looks like we're on our own for awhile.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of-of his cargo shorts.

“I knew Brit was planning the wedding but... what in the name of Tim Burton is going on around here?” Christina picked up a bottle of spray-on cobwebs off the coffee table. She was standing right next to him and, damn, she smelled good, like strawberries and cream.

“My brother's having a Halloween themed wedding. Speaking of weddings, I didn't see you at Dakota and Britney's,” he was just trying to prolong the conversation for lack of anything better to do. He had learned in the car that he actually enjoyed talking with her. He took a seat on a comfortable but tastefully stylish suede couch that he knew Britney had picked out. Dakota had a futon in his living room prior to living with Britney.

“They only gave me forty-eight hours notice,” she laughed and took a seat beside him. “I had just started my world tour and was in Spain. There wasn't enough time for me to get all the way here and even if I did, I would have had to have canceled like a week's worth of concerts.”

“Yeah, my son Dylan and I barely made it in time and we live in Florida,” Duane Lee nodded.

“You live in Florida?”

He nodded, “yeah, Jacksonville.”

“I lived in Orlando when I was a kid, it's where I met Britney.” The little blonde pixie scooted a little closer.

“I thought Britney was from Lousiana?” Without thinking, Duane Lee put his arm on the back of the couch behind her shoulders.

“She is,” Christina nodded. “We were on a Disney show called The New Mickey Mouse Club when we were kids and it filmed in Orlando. Most of the other kids on the show were older than us so we kind of stuck together.”

The two of them stayed there talking for the next two hours. When the rest of the family came back, Dakota and Britney had taken one look at them, sitting so close together on the couch, and shared some kind of silent conversation that involved secretive little smiles. Dylan had simply smirked and raised a teasing eyebrow.

  
  


**October 30 th**

**Kona Brewing Company Pub and Brewery**

**Christina's POV**

Christina was incredibly depressed. After their two-hour chat in the living room, her first day on the island. She and Duane Lee had spent a lot of time together. He was fun and so easy to talk. She tended to forget that he was over two decades older than her. She was curious if it was possible to fall in love with someone in the course of three days, without ever even kissing or touching them. She was pretty sure she had fallen in love with Duane Lee from just spending time with him as friends... but he was still out of bounds. Plus, even if he wasn't, he had a son two years OLDER than her. He probably didn't think about her that way. She was more than likely just a kid in his eyes.

“Would you stop moping?” Britney leaned over from her place beside her at the long dining table that was set up on the restaurant's lanai. “If you're so stuck on Duane Lee, do something about it, Chrissy.”

Christina's eyes widened as she turned to look at her friend. “How the hell did you know?”

Britney rolled her eyes. “I'm not as dumb as the press makes me out to be,” she said sarcastically. “And Dakota and I have been pushing you two together since y'all got here.”

“What about the whole friends don't date friend's family lecture you gave me when I had a crush on Brian?” Brian was Britney's older brother that Christina had a schoolgirl crush on when she was thirteen.

“Brian was a man-whore back then, I was protecting you in that situation... and we were thirteen! Who takes anything a thirteen-year-old says seriously?” Britney looked at her like she was crazy and Christina was starting to feel pretty damn stupid.

“I was thirteen too, you ditz!” she snapped so loudly that a few people at the table turned to look in their direction.

  
  


**Other Side of the Table**

**Duane Lee's POV**

“Duane Lee, just go and talk to the girl,” His soon-to-be sister-in-law, Vanessa rolled her eyes as she rocked her month-old daughter in one arm while trying to eat with the other.

“Nessa, she's younger than my kid,” he pointed out.

“Your kid's cool with it.” What was it with Dylan and just popping into conversations uninvited? “And so is everyone else. If you're interested and she's interested... what the hell's the problem, dad?”

Leland smirked at him as he took his youngest daughter from his wife's arms so she could help their oldest daughter Leiah break open her lobster. “What's your next excuse? I'll bet you five hundred dollars we can shoot that one down too.”

  
  


**October 31 st**

**Queen Emma Summer Palace**

**Christina's POV**

“Alright, everyone, let's give a hand to the new Mr. and Mrs. Chapman!” Christina shouted out to the wedding guests from the stage set up in the eerily decorated ballroom. She had just completed the requested two songs and was in a good mood and feeling generous. “Given what day it is, I think I have one more song in me. How about a little ‘Love Potion No.9’?”

The guests cheered as the music started to play.

“ _I took my troubles down to Madame Rue_

_You know that gypsy with a gold-capped tooth_

_She's got a pad down on 34th and Vine_

_Sellin' little bottles of Love Potion No. 9_

  
  


_I told her that I was a flop with dudes_

_I've been that way since 2002_

_She looked at my palm, and she made a magic sign_

_She said, 'What you need is Love Potion No. 9’”_

She looked out at the sea of wedding guests. She didn't know what she was looking for until she spotted Duane Lee, wearing his best man's tux, and leaning against the far opposite wall. When he noticed her looking at him, he gave her a little smirk before bringing his hands up in silent applause. Having his attention on her, and Britney's permission to go after him, she grew a little bolder and started singing directly to him.

“ _She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink_

_She said, “’I'm gonna mix it up right here in the sink,’”_

_It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink_

_I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink_

  
  


_I didn't know if it was day or night_

_I started kissin' everything in sight_

_But when I kissed that cop down on 34th and Vine_

_He broke my little bottle of Love Potion No. 9”_

After the song, Christina went and returned the microphone to the stand. When she walked off the small stage it was to find Duane Lee waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs.

“I have a question for you, boo, and I want you to think real hard about your answer.” He took a step forward and placed one hand on her hip, the other reaching up and brushing back a piece of hair that had managed to fall from her fancy bun.

“Okay,” she whispered and nodded. She had no idea what was going on but she was going with it.

“Do you wanna get out of here with me?” He brought a finger to her lips to silence her before she could speak. “Now, before you answer, know that I'm too old for one-night stands or flings. If you leave here with me tonight, I'm keeping you... permanently. I'm over two decades older than you, I'm possessive as hell, and a relationship with me would involve you moving back to Florida because I'm the type of man who wants the woman I love beside me in bed every night and I know I'm going to lose you to your job enough of the time as it is.”

He finally removed his finger and she smiled brightly at him. Duane Lee loved her too! She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I guess it's a good thing I love the sunshine state. The only way I would have said no is if you had said the exact opposite of what you just said to me.”

He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. “So, you wouldn't have a one-night stand with me if I asked?” he gently teased.

“Nope,” she shook her head. “You see, I love you too and I don't think I could emotionally handle the consequences of only one night with you.”

“Good answer, boo.” He leaned down and took her lips in a tender kiss.

  
  


**Mauna Lani Bay Hotel**

**Duane Lee's POV**

Instead of taking her back to Dakota and Britney's place, Duane Lee had booked them a room in the nearest nice hotel.

“You had a reservation,” Christina looked at him with a raised brow as he took their key from the desk clerk. “You planned this?”

Duane Lee slipped his arm around her waist as he led her outside to the private bungalow he had rented them for the rest of the weekend. He didn't answer her until they were standing at the door to their bungalow. “Did I plan to tell you and show you how much I love you?” He backed her up against the door. “Yeah.” He gave her a soft kiss. “But only since last night. I was going to keep my feelings to myself because I didn't think you'd want to be with someone as old as me but everyone else convinced me to go for it. Really fucking glad I did.” He kissed her again, letting his hand slide up the front of her shirt to cup her breast in his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

“I experienced a very similar situation,” Christina moaned as his tongue found her earlobe. “Duane Lee, we need to get inside.” This was quickly getting out of hand and they were still in public. Luckily for them, given the late hour, none of the other guests were out and about.

He somehow managed to get the door unlocked without taking his lips away from their assault on her neck. They were literally tripping over each other as they stumbled to the bed, kissing, and stripping out of their wedding attire at the same time. By the time he lifted her up and laid her on the mattress, they were both completely naked.

“Please, tell me you're not a virgin, boo,” he asked as he crawled up the bed to settle between her thighs. Not that he wouldn't love to be this beautiful woman's first but he had never wanted someone as badly as he wanted her. All he wanted was to be inside her and he really hoped he wasn't going to have to take it slow with her.

She reached down and grasped his cock in her tiny hand. “You won't be my first, but I'm pretty sure you're going to be my last,” and she gently stroked him.

He grasped her hand and pushed it away. If she kept doing that, he was going to cum. “Perfect answer.” He swooped down for a kiss as he lined himself up and sank inside of her. She might not have been a virgin, but she also had not been with many men. She was tighter than hell and he didn't take it easy on her. He draped her leg over his hip and took her at an almost brutal pace. He wasn't hearing any complaints from her, in fact, she was clawing at his back and egging him on.

“Fuck, baby, I'm gonna cum,” Christina panted.

“Wait for me, boo,” he was so close.

“Please...”

He was pretty sure his girl didn't even know what exactly she was begging for and knowing that he was the one that was driving her that crazy, making her feel that good, pushed him over the edge. He reached down between them and fingered her sensitive bundle of nerves. “Alright, sweetheart, cum,” he ordered. He felt her tighten around him just as he spilled himself inside of her.

“Fuck,” he collapsed a little against her but was careful to keep his weight off of her. “I love you,” he leaned down and kissed her leisurely.

“I love you too,” she replied when they parted.

“I'm sorry I was so rough with you, boo,” he nuzzled her nose with his. “Next time will be better, I promise, I'll take my time with you.”

Christina laughed. “Better than that? You just might kill me, baby.”

He laughed with her and leaned in to give her one last kiss before pulling out of her and rolling to lay next to her, taking her into his arms and holding her tightly to his chest.

  
  


**Jacksonville, Florida**

**9 Months Later**

Duane Lee awoke from a sound sleep and he wasn't sure why. Rolling over to cuddle his wife of three months, he discovered why... Christina wasn't there.

He sat up and turned on the light just as the bathroom door opened and his wife stepped out.... wearing a sundress at three in the morning.

“My water broke, it's time to go to the hospital,” she told him calmly as she placed a hand on her swollen belly as a contraction hit her and she had to lean against the bedpost for support.

Yeah, they probably should have thought about protection their first night together but being caught up in the passion of one another they hadn't. Even though things were moving fast and the press was having a field day with their age difference, Duane Lee wouldn't have changed a thing. He had a job he loved, working with his oldest son. He had a beautiful young wife that he loved and who loved him back. Now that beautiful woman was about to give him a child. He jumped out of bed and started getting ready to leave at warp speed. Nope, he wouldn't change a damn thing about his life.

  
  


_ **FINIS** _

 

**_[MY WEBSITE](http://www.badwolfrose.com) _ **

 


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